Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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