I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
