It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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