i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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