did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
