yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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