If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
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i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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