You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
