i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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