Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
