and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
