dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
