I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
