Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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