marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
