question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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