did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
