Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
