rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize