I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize