Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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