Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
