WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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