dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
