He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
