Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Can Purell be used as lube?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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