I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
