you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
