Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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