life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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