i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
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22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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