BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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