Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
