if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
