I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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