this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You are a booty call, not a friend.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
