everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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