Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
