I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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