Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
