i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
