Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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