ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
