You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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