I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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