I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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