Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
