3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
