CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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