I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
