Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
