I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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