fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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