Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
