Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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