my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
