Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
